I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
