and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
is this the sara with the beer cane?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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