I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
