I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
you never un-have a 4some
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
