I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
