We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
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the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
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Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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