Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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