Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
