No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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