You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
