She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
