coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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