He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
