Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
