You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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