all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize