I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
he's single and there are thong briefs.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
