get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
