You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
