Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
