you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
