her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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