i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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