john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My dad is sitting where you rode me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
