If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
