Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
