My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
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I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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