I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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