I hate your face
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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