Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
