i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
