Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
