I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize