Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
