you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Sext me about skeletons
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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