do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.