i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
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My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
