Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
