the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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