I think I won the penis lottery.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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