i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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