Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
