I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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