College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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