I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
