when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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