The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I met the friendliest cop last night
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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