No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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