Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
