You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I am full of burrito and curiosity
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Boobs speak an international language.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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