i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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