He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
