whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
