I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
