great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I skipped work to stalk him.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
