Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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