just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
