For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
