I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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