Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize