You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Enjoy the penises
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
