The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
