Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
