just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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