i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
