is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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