you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
